It's not that I had thought I had seen it all. . .

But I was pretty sure I was well on my way. Gather round boys and girls, I have something very curious to share with you today.

The capitalization of affection and social exchange are old news. A good chunk of adults hand over portions of their incomes to online dating services. Many of us joined sororities and fraternities. Writers pay three times the price of a coffee so they can change out of pajamas and lounge around a café all day instead of their studio apartments. You know all this. What you may not know, however, is that now, as we speak (figuratively), people are paying actual domestic currency to attend Cuddle Parties. Seriously. With strangers. Please – take a moment. . . Okay, ready? Yes, for only $30, you too may attend a Cuddle Party at which you will be allowed to practice setting and adhering to your own personal boundaries while enjoying the healing benefits of touch – for three and a half hours. Skeptical, are you? Think cuddle parties are only for still closeted-to-themselves lesbians and dirty old men looking to cop a feel? Think again, say Cuddle LA directors Rebecca Reagan and Andrew Schwartz. Fifteen simple rules make Cuddle Party a “safe and fun space for exploring affectionate touch.” If you’re curious, sex and dry humping are verboten, although kissing “and nuzzling” are fair game, provided verbal consent has been granted.

Maybe I’m just a little slow to warm up, but I think Cuddle Parties sound absolutely and unconditionally repulsive.