The Comeback*

Twice weekly for the last month I've subjected myself to the pokings and proddings of my Ambiguously Lecherous Physical Therapist (ALPT) who I suspect enjoys his one non-geriatric client a little too much. After the initial injury in early December, I had been able to run for 13 minutes before inducing excruciating pain and a day of limping. On Tuesday, ALPT says that I should try to run for 15 minutes and stop if I don't have any pain. Okay, ALPT - I know you probably weren't a math major, but if three weeks, six sessions (at $65 a session, by the way) buys me 2 minutes and a 9 minute pace means is a 4 hour marathon, we're going to be here for a while. I digress.

Having established that the immediate problem has progressed well, ALPT says we're going to asses and work on my "core." Hmm. . . Now, I read Newsweek last month too and I must say that I'm underwhelmed that the best these professionals come up with is the latest trendy health problem. It's like getting diagnosed with Bird Flu - it's been done.

A few minutes later I'm on all fours with a wooden pole resting on my back. "Charlotte!," ALPT calls to the head PT, "Come look at this!" Head PT comes over, is appropriately impressed, and for a moment it appears they're going to send my picture into the Annuls of Hunchbacks, Scholiatics, and Otherwise Gimps. It turns out that the right side of my "core" (or "back," as we Texans with a healthy appreciation for sensibility might say) is normal. The left side of my "core," however, has no muscles; it basically gets left out of all the physical activity I do and thus never gets any stronger - just like kids who are locked in basements and don't learn how to speak. In fact, when I left that day ALPT admitted, "Usually we just suspect that this is what's wrong with people - on you we can actually see it."

What remedy do ALPT and head PT suggest? Pilates. Seriously. Only a trendy/ladies-who-lunch/Californian solution will do the trick. Pilates, like most pop culture exercise trends, of course, is not cheap. Yes, there are group "mat" classes for $15 or $20 a pop, but most studios don't allow you to go to them until you've had a few individual sessions - the cheapest of which is a package of 3 for $150.

So anyway, this was a struggle. I hate being dependent on appointments for grooming and health that cost time and money. Thus, a compromise: I ran for an hour and booked the 3 pack.




* themesong for this endeavor.